Embracing Your Authentic Self: Why I’m Not Losing Weight for My Wedding

This post draws inspiration from the insightful work of my friend Robyn from The Real Life RD. For a deeper dive into her personal journey, you can read her story here. We also delved into this critical topic during our podcast episode, which offers further perspective and shared experiences on navigating body image pressures, especially concerning significant life events like weddings.

My Personal Journey to Self-Acceptance and Body Confidence

When my partner, C, and I first crossed paths, we were both just 21 years old, standing on the cusp of adulthood. I had recently graduated from college, grappling with a profound lack of self-esteem that manifested in a complex web of disordered eating habits, an obsessive approach to exercise, and deeply ingrained body image struggles. To put it mildly, it wasn’t a period where I felt truly comfortable or confident in my own skin.

Despite these internal battles, C seemed to perceive something beyond my insecurities. We quickly fell head-over-heels, our connection undeniable. Even with a significant geographical distance initially separating us – and a couple of months dedicated to “self-exploration” on opposite coasts – our bond deepened. We transitioned from pen-pals to an official couple after spending just ten transformative days together. Remarkably, on the eleventh day, he openly declared his desire to marry me.

Fast forward what felt like an eternity – or, more precisely, 286,131,831 days later, if you’re counting! – he finally popped the question. While hindsight is always 20/20, and I’ll admit there were moments over those six years when I wondered about the delay, I now possess a complete understanding of why it took us that long. At 21, both C and I had a considerable amount of growing up to do, individually and as a couple. Our journey together has been a tapestry woven with countless shared experiences and significant milestones.

We’ve navigated the complexities of first jobs, second jobs, third jobs, and for me, the courageous decision of quitting my job to pursue a different path. We took the leap and moved in together, then later embarked on an even bigger adventure, relocating across the continent together. Amidst these moves, we even totaled a car together, a testament to the unexpected challenges we’ve faced. Our shared life also includes moments of nurturing, like watching a friend’s dog for a year before welcoming our own beloved dog into our home. For six years, we’ve playfully resisted the urge to buy a zoo – a pipe dream, perhaps, but who knows what the future holds?! C has been an unwavering pillar of support for this very blog, even working alongside me on it at times, though I often have to playfully remind him to actually read it!

While these major milestones are easily recalled, it’s the quiet, intimate moments nestled in between that truly underscore the profound importance of our waiting period. I’ll never forget one Halloween, crying inconsolably into C’s arms because I felt “too fat” in my dress, despite being a delusional 114 pounds. Or the day he took me home from the gym after just 20 minutes because my body, pushed to its limits by overexercise, began to shut down. But perhaps most vividly, I recall lying on a hotel bed in Montreal, explaining to C how, finally, I was beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin, even as my body naturally shifted and changed. Over these six years, we have both grown immensely, emotionally and physically, and through every single step, he has been steadfastly by my side.

Therefore, as I envision our wedding day—a day I’ve quietly anticipated since that chilly Minnesota night when C first introduced me to his family and spoke of marrying me—my deepest desire is for my physical body to authentically reflect the entirety of these experiences, this journey, and the genuine growth we’ve shared.

Challenging the Wedding Industry Narrative: A Stand Against “Bridal Bootcamp” Culture

Six years ago, the thought of my wedding day would have propelled me into a frantic crash diet, driven by an intense desire to appear as small as possible. I would have spent the days leading up to and after the event consumed by worries about whether I looked “thin enough,” meticulously scrutinizing every aspect of my physique. This obsessive self-criticism would undoubtedly have stripped away all the joy and excitement of celebrating our love with our dearest friends and family, replacing it with anxiety and self-doubt.

But I am no longer that recent college graduate plagued by severe self-esteem issues, entangled in disordered eating patterns, excessive exercise, and debilitating body image troubles. While I still have my moments, as we all do, I stand today far more confident and at ease in my own skin than I ever dared to imagine. I have evolved into a woman who feels a stronger compulsion to unapologetically take up space in the world, rather than shrinking myself to fit societal ideals. It’s a profound shift: I am currently the biggest I have ever been, yet paradoxically, I am also the happiest I have ever been.

This journey has also equipped me with six years of invaluable practice in navigating our deeply weight-phobic world. My primary concern isn’t how I’ll personally react to the incessant, pervasive pressure to be my smallest on my wedding day; rather, my concern is for the millions of other women who haven’t had the privilege of this preparatory journey. I’ve learned how to confidently speak to a tailor, requesting adjustments that perfectly fit my current body size, not some arbitrary, imagined future size. I know to seek out photographers who focus on capturing genuine emotions and the essence of our day, without making any comments or suggestions about my body. In a similar vein, I’ve developed the capacity to tune out the pervasive noise—whether it’s people checking their smartwatches for calories burned or fitness instructors promoting a restrictive “bikini body” ideal.

Some of you reading this may not yet be at this stage of self-acceptance, or perhaps you’ve never consciously struggled with your body image before. However, the unique and intense pressures surrounding an upcoming wedding can suddenly bring these very thoughts and anxieties to the forefront. If this resonates with you, if you feel the weight of these expectations, then please understand that this message is specifically for you. So, I implore you: hear me out.

Embracing Your Authentic Self: A Powerful Message for Every Bride

You absolutely do not need to lose weight for your wedding day. You do not need to make yourself smaller, physically or figuratively, to be a radiant and beautiful bride. Your “wedding weight” is simply whatever weight you happen to be on your wedding day—it is not some arbitrary, unattainable number plucked from a magazine or societal expectation. You, in your authentic self, will look profoundly beautiful on your wedding day, regardless of your weight.

My Approach to Wedding Wellness: Beyond the Scale and Societal Expectations

So, if I’m not focusing on weight loss, what exactly will I be doing to prepare for my wedding day? My preparations are centered around holistic well-being, fostering inner peace, and celebrating who I am.

Prioritizing Mental and Emotional Well-being

First and foremost, I’ll be intensely focused on reducing my stress levels. Let’s be honest: weddings, despite their joyous nature, are incredibly stressful. There are countless opinions to consider, intricate planning details, and a multitude of logistics to finalize. And I won’t pretend for a moment that I haven’t shed at least three tears over the sheer volume of it all. But I am actively working to remind myself that this occasion is meant to be a profoundly happy and celebratory event, not merely a source of relief once months of arduous planning are finally over.

Instead of succumbing to external pressures, I am channeling my energy into practices that nourish my soul. I’m regularly journaling to process thoughts and emotions, engaging in a self-acceptance course to deepen my understanding and compassion for myself, and prioritizing quality time with C and our beloved dog, Bodhi. These connections are my anchors. I’m also investing in self-care rituals, like regular facials, to care for my skin and create moments of calm. My body is being nourished with a diverse range of foods, from nutrient-rich kale to a relaxing glass of wine, always listening to what it truly needs. And crucially, I am moving my body in ways that feel inherently joyful and empowering, rather than punishing or prescriptive.

Ultimately, I am taking care of me. I am consciously choosing to engage in activities and practices that help to raise me up, to empower and strengthen me, rather than tearing me down through criticism or restriction. This holistic approach ensures that I arrive at my wedding day feeling vibrant, present, and authentically myself.

Cultivating a Sustainable Lifestyle

I very well could gain 100 pounds before our wedding day. And if that were the case, so be it. That would simply be another part of the journey that C and I would navigate and embrace together. More likely, however, I will remain around the same weight I’ve been for the last few years (I don’t own a scale, so this is an educated guess based on how I feel and how my clothes fit). This stability is a direct result of finally discovering and committing to a lifestyle that is genuinely sustainable and deeply fulfilling. It’s a lifestyle liberated from the constant counting of calories, the anxiety of stepping on a scale, or the frantic last-minute alterations to wedding attire because I finally managed to shed those elusive “last 5 pounds.”

This is a lifestyle built on self-respect, intuitive eating, and joyful movement—a lifestyle that I can wholeheartedly share with the partner I chose, and who, in turn, chose me, for the rest of our lives. It’s about building a foundation of health and happiness that extends far beyond a single day, embodying a commitment to self-love that is as enduring as our vows.

*all photos by Bettina Bogar

A Final Message of Empowerment: Stand Strong Against Wedding Pressure

Did you, or do you currently, feel immense pressure from the pervasive wedding industry to conform to an unrealistic body ideal? The narrative often pushed by media and society suggests that a bride must be “perfect” and “thin” for her big day. This harmful messaging can undermine a truly joyous occasion with unnecessary stress and self-doubt.

More than anything, my hope is that this message resonates deeply with anyone grappling with these expectations. If you know a bride-to-be who could benefit from hearing this liberating perspective—who needs to be reminded that her worth and beauty are not tied to a number on a scale—please, share this post with her. Let’s collectively champion a wedding culture that celebrates authenticity, self-acceptance, and genuine happiness, empowering every bride to embrace her true self on one of the most significant days of her life.