For weeks, I found myself deliberately delaying the task of writing this post. It wasn’t due to any reluctance to share such monumental news, but rather the sheer volume of thoughts and emotions I needed to process. Our decision to move transpired with remarkable speed and an entirely unexpected turn of events, leaving me with a whirlwind of feelings to navigate. To be entirely candid, I anticipate it will take a considerable amount of time for the reality of having left the Bay Area to truly settle in. Nevertheless, I’m ready to embark on the challenging yet exhilarating journey of unpacking this significant life update: we have officially relocated to Minneapolis!
Had anyone predicted in 2019 that by the close of 2020 I would be settling into life in Minneapolis, I would have undoubtedly responded with outright laughter. In fact, the very notion of entirely departing the Bay Area would have been met with absolute disbelief on my part. However, it’s fair to say that none of us could have accurately foreseen the unprecedented landscape that 2020 would present. It has undeniably been a transformative year, a period marked by profound and often challenging life changes for countless individuals worldwide – and certainly for us.
Let’s Rewind: The Journey to a Major Life Shift
As 2019 drew to a close, my partner C and I began a series of earnest conversations about our aspirations for the upcoming years. A primary focus for us was the desire to expand our family in 2020, and we aimed to proactively take steps that would ease this significant transition. We carefully assessed our two-bedroom apartment in the heart of San Francisco, a city where we both worked remotely. While we acknowledged that we could certainly make our current living situation “work,” it wasn’t necessarily aligned with our long-term vision for a growing family. Confronted by the Bay Area’s notoriously exorbitant rental and housing prices, we harbored significant doubts about finding a suitable and desirable property that would also fall within our financial reach. Despite these concerns, we decided it was worth exploring the market for a more spacious and family-friendly home.
Through a stroke of fortunate timing, we rather swiftly secured a rental house in Marin County, a picturesque northern suburb situated approximately 40 minutes outside the bustling city of San Francisco. The prospect of moving such a considerable distance from our established community initially filled me with apprehension, yet we ultimately decided to embrace the change. I won’t attempt to sugarcoat the experience; the transition proved to be far from smooth. I found myself longing for the vibrant energy of the city on a daily basis and discovered a greater dislike for suburban living than I had ever anticipated. The suburban landscape often felt rather bland and lacking in the rich cultural tapestry I cherished. Furthermore, the house itself frequently felt cold and damp – a stark irony given that the remainder of the year would unfold with intense heat and dryness, a contrast not lost on me even then.
Then, the world as we knew it abruptly shut down.
In retrospect, I am profoundly grateful that we made the move to Marin when we did. The rental house offered us considerably more indoor space, a crucial advantage during lockdown, along with a much-needed outdoor area for our dog, Bodhi. This additional space eventually provided the flexibility to welcome a second dog into our family. The community I had initially felt disconnected from was also sheltering in place, rendering the sense of isolation less unique to our new location. I began to feel a cautious optimism that we might be able to comfortably reside there for an extended period.
Concurrently, C and I were actively trying to start a family, a journey that, as I’ve previously shared, did not unfold as we had hoped. Nevertheless, we continued to envision at least commencing this next phase of our lives in Marin. We also remained vigilant, continuously monitoring the challenging Bay Area housing market for a potential property where we could finally plant roots and build a lasting home.
What we could never have possibly imagined, however, was that on top of an already significantly inflated market, the tumultuous year of 2020 would trigger an unprecedented skyrocketing of housing prices across the Bay Area. While we had diligently saved as much as possible in preparation for such a substantial purchase, the escalating costs effectively priced us out of the market. I want to emphasize that we are acutely aware of our immense privilege and how incredibly fortunate we are in so many aspects of our lives. Yet, the sheer scale of wealth in the Bay Area is often beyond what most people can truly comprehend, meaning that even we, by comparison, fell into the lower end of the spectrum for homeownership. It became painstakingly clear that acquiring a house even remotely within our carefully constructed budget was simply not going to be a realistic outcome.
Initially, this realization was manageable. We reasoned that we could comfortably remain in our rental house a little longer, allowing us to (a) observe any potential shifts or stabilization in the unpredictable housing market and (b) continue diligently saving towards our goal.
The Unexpected Twist: When Stability Vanishes
What I deliberately omitted from a previous post detailing a particularly difficult week was another significant blow: a call from our property management. We were informed that the house we were renting had been sold off-market, and the new owners intended to move in themselves. This news left us with a tight deadline – until the end of the year – to navigate an entirely new housing situation. The pressure was immense, compounded by the already stressful circumstances of 2020, and the feeling of instability was jarring.
Given that we were already likely unable to afford the type of home we truly desired in the Bay Area, and my distinct lack of enthusiasm for suburban living, we found ourselves squarely at a crossroads. The situation was further exacerbated by the devastating wildfires that were raging across California at the time. The air quality was so poor that we were literally confined to our home, unable to even open a window, despite enduring temperatures well over 100 degrees Fahrenheit. As I’ve said, it was truly a “week from hell,” testing our resilience to its limits.
During this period of forced confinement and intense uncertainty, I began to seriously question our persistent efforts to make life work in the Bay Area. It felt as though every external force was conspiring against us, and we simply lacked the energy and emotional capacity to continue battling the relentless challenges. We collectively decided that we desperately needed some physical and mental distance from the Bay Area to gain clarity on what truly mattered to us and to redefine our path forward. This quest for a fresh perspective ultimately laid the groundwork for our big move.
A Journey of Reflection: Our Trip to Minnesota
Undertaking a significant “getaway” during the peak of a global pandemic was, as expected, far from straightforward. Fortunately, C and I share a mutual love for road trips, which proved to be a viable option. We carefully packed up our beloved dogs and embarked on a cross-country drive to Minnesota. C’s incredibly gracious mother welcomed us into her home for an indefinite period, a respite that ultimately turned out to be precisely what my soul desperately needed. The many hours spent together in the car, traversing vast landscapes, also created a unique and opportune environment. It effectively compelled C and me to engage in those challenging, yet essential, conversations that we had both, perhaps subconsciously, been avoiding amidst the chaos of our lives.
During these candid discussions, we began to systematically reflect on the aspects of the Bay Area that no longer resonated with us – a topic I’ll delve into in more detail shortly. This period of deep introspection led us to a profound conclusion: while the Bay Area had undoubtedly been the perfect fit for a particular phase of our lives, the upcoming chapter we were about to enter simply wasn’t aligned with its offerings. As we cast our minds back over the four different cities we had called home during the past decade, a clear pattern emerged. Each location had served its distinct purpose for a specific stage of our journey, but then, quite naturally, that chapter came to a graceful close. It was unequivocally time for us to bid farewell to San Francisco and cease our attempts to force a square peg into a round hole, embracing the reality of our changing needs.
Upon our arrival in Minneapolis, I distinctly remember feeling a profound sense of relief – as if it were the first time I could truly breathe all year, even through a face mask. Despite the ongoing pandemic restrictions that prevented us from seeing our friends and family as frequently or intimately as we normally would, an undeniable and deep sense of community permeated the air here. It felt, without a doubt, like precisely what we had been seeking for this significant next chapter of our lives.
And so, with a renewed sense of purpose, we began the exciting, albeit daunting, process of looking at houses.
We are acutely aware of how incredibly fortunate we are that this was even a viable option for us. Having personally navigated the tumultuous housing market and witnessed numerous friends grapple with similar challenges, I intimately understand just how demanding and disheartening the process can be. This country, undeniably, faces a severe housing crisis – not to mention multifaceted socioeconomic, racial, and political crises. Therefore, the act of “flaunting” a new house can feel deeply uncomfortable, even like a “punch to the gut.” However, at 31 years old, we both knew we were not prepared for another rental situation, which comes with its own unique set of challenges and the ever-present possibility of having to uproot our lives yet again in a mere year’s time. We craved stability and the ability to truly settle down, laying down permanent roots.
Anyone who has embarked on the journey of homeownership knows that once you begin looking, it’s incredibly difficult to stop. We virtually dedicated our days to perusing Redfin listings, meticulously favoriting homes, and diligently familiarizing ourselves with the nuances of the local market in Minneapolis. C’s high school friend, now an accomplished realtor in the area, proved to be an invaluable asset, guiding us through every step of this complex process with remarkable expertise and kindness. Furthermore, we experienced an extraordinary stroke of luck – a welcome contrast to a year otherwise filled with numerous unfortunate circumstances! The very second house we toured immediately resonated with us; we instinctively knew it was our future home, a place where our new life in Minneapolis could truly begin.
I recall walking through the house, my internal monologue a series of excited exclamations – “fuck, fuck, fuck” and “oh god, oh god, oh god” – because the feeling of “this is it” was so overwhelmingly clear. Securing the house, however, was not quite as straightforward. A competitive bidding war ensued, a testament to the fast-paced nature of the market. But in the end, by some fortunate confluence of events, our offer was accepted, and we got it. I feel an immeasurable sense of gratitude that this outcome was even a possibility. Truly, the weight of this good fortune is not lost on me, especially after the year we’d endured, and we’re excited to embark on our journey of homeownership in Minneapolis.
Bidding Farewell to San Francisco: A City of Contradictions
Despite the excitement of our successful home offer in Minneapolis, a significant portion of our lives – and a house full of belongings – still remained in the Bay Area. So, once our offer was formally accepted and the intricate process of closing began to roll forward, we turned our car around and embarked on the drive back to San Francisco. A quick note for my readers: if you’re interested in practical tips for road-tripping safely or navigating a move during a pandemic, please don’t hesitate to reach out! I’d be happy to share our experiences, including essential Bay Area relocation advice.
We had precisely one month to meticulously sort through our possessions, sell items, coordinate with movers, pack countless boxes, and, most importantly, say our heartfelt goodbyes to our cherished friends and family. It was an undeniably challenging period, marked by emotional farewells and logistical hurdles. However, after a year that often felt like we were trapped in a frustrating standstill, there was a quiet satisfaction in finally feeling a tangible sense of forward momentum and progress in our lives.
This brings me to the core question: what were the ultimate deciding factors that led us to leave the beloved Bay Area? My feelings on this subject are undeniably complex and multifaceted. I harbor a deep and enduring love for San Francisco. Truly, no other place has ignited within me such profound inspiration and fostered such significant personal growth. My heart swells with affection when I recall the iconic Golden Gate Bridge, the vast expanse of the bay, the mysterious beauty of the fog rolling in, and the city’s overall breathtaking aesthetic. However, just because something possesses inherent beauty doesn’t automatically mean it’s built upon a sturdy and sustainable foundation for every life stage, particularly when considering family life and community values.
Firstly, it became abundantly clear to me that if I were to continue living in the broader Bay Area, my preference would unequivocally be to reside within San Francisco proper. While I wholeheartedly respect that suburban living suits many individuals, the Bay Area suburbs simply did not align with my personal preferences or lifestyle. They often lacked the vibrant “color” (both literally in terms of architecture and metaphorically in terms of cultural diversity) and the rich tapestry of culture that I craved. And, of course, there’s the ever-present, less-than-charming reality that your home could, at any given moment, be threatened by wildfires. What a delightful prospect for long-term living!
Beyond personal aesthetic preferences, C and I also envision building a family, and the city of San Francisco, unfortunately, does not inherently make family life easy – unless, of course, one possesses an immense amount of wealth. The challenges of space, cost, and lifestyle can be overwhelming for those without significant financial resources, making a true sense of belonging harder to achieve for many.
And that brings me to the other crucial element. While we could certainly contrive a way to make our lives work financially and logistically within San Francisco, we genuinely did not desire to raise a family in an environment characterized by such stark and pervasive income disparity. The middle class in the Bay Area has, to a significant extent, all but vanished, creating an extreme socioeconomic stratification. Quite honestly, this is not the example of community or societal structure that I wish to impart to my future children, should we be so incredibly fortunate to have them. It’s one thing to comfortably exist as DINKS (dual-income, no kids) and enjoy the unique perks of San Francisco; it becomes an entirely different proposition once children enter the picture and one begins to consider their upbringing and worldview, and the kind of community they will grow up in.
I am acutely aware of how this might be perceived, and I sincerely apologize if this comes across as a litany of complaints from someone who is undeniably privileged and clearly possesses more than enough. However, here is the fundamental truth: I yearn to live in a place that unequivocally values community above all else. A place where people genuinely show up for one another when support is needed (and vice versa), and where conversations extend beyond superficial metrics like personal wealth, whether a company has recently IPO’ed, or the details of one’s latest Tahoe vacation rental. I feel profoundly fortunate that our immediate, personal community of friends in San Francisco does not embody these characteristics. Yet, the overarching societal vibe and cultural emphasis within the broader Bay Area are undeniably present, and it’s simply not the ethos we wish to be immersed in as our larger community for a family-focused lifestyle.
There is absolutely no denying that San Francisco has indelibly changed me for the better. I have stretched, grown, and evolved in ways I never would have anticipated, and I will forever cherish and never regret the transformative years we spent there. It shaped who I am today, but a new chapter awaited.
I will deeply miss our cherished friends and beloved family members who remain there. I’ll miss the predictably beautiful weather of March and October, and the mild 65-degree temperatures that graced us for the majority of the year. I’ll miss the unmistakable butterflies I felt each time I drove across the majestic Golden Gate Bridge into the bustling city. And I’ll undoubtedly miss the calming presence of the ocean. But beyond these specific, sentimental aspects, my list of “misses” becomes notably shorter.
Conversely, I will certainly not miss the astronomical cost of living that pervades every aspect of Bay Area life. I won’t miss the combination of rainy, damp winters and brutally dry, hot summers endured without the luxury of air conditioning, especially in the suburbs. I won’t miss the pervasive “flakiness” or unreliability that can sometimes characterize social interactions. And I most certainly will not miss the annual anxiety and dread of fire season, a harrowing period that became an unfortunate new normal.
And I am absolutely certain that there will be countless more things I will both cherish and forget, miss and embrace, as the days, weeks, and months continue to unfold in our new home in Minneapolis.
Why Minneapolis? Considering Other Options
When I initially shared the news of our relocation on Instagram, one of the most frequently asked questions revolved around our specific choice of Minneapolis. The answer, unlike the often convoluted narrative of this entire post, is remarkably simple: our fundamental desire is to live in closer proximity to our family and an established community. My immediate family resides primarily in Toronto. C’s family, conversely, is split between Minneapolis and San Francisco. Once it became clear that San Francisco was no longer the right fit for our evolving life stage, we meticulously evaluated other potential locations where we could genuinely feel comfortable and rooted. Ultimately, only two places perfectly fit that essential bill: Toronto and Minneapolis, offering us the family and community ties we sought.
Now, I can almost anticipate your next thought: why, especially given the current turbulent political climate in the United States, would we *not* choose Toronto? I confess, I don’t have a singular, perfectly clear-cut answer for that. Toronto, for all its charm and our familial ties, just doesn’t feel like our “forever place” in the same way. We place a high value on access to abundant outdoor activities, a lifestyle preference that Minneapolis offers in spades, even throughout its renowned winters. As much as I adore Toronto and, more importantly, our wonderful people who reside there, its urban environment isn’t quite as conducive to the specific outdoor-centric lifestyle we envision for our family. The sheer abundance of lakes in Minnesota and the pervasive culture of how much people here embrace and utilize them ultimately sealed the deal for us, painting a clear picture of our ideal future in this Midwest hub.
Welcome to Minnesota: A New Beginning
And so, here we are, approximately two months into this lengthy and often emotionally taxing saga, which is finally moving in a decisively positive direction. We officially landed in Minneapolis just ten days ago and, exhilaratingly, closed on our new house. It is, without a doubt, an “interesting” time to be undertaking such a significant move, given the current spike in global cases of the virus and the impending, often formidable, doom of a Minnesota winter. However, in all honesty, this past year has bestowed upon me an invaluable sense of perspective, crystallizing what truly matters in life beyond external circumstances.
I am profoundly grateful for C, our beloved pups, and my mother-in-law, who have provided the best company, unwavering support, and invaluable navigation through the often-crazy ride that is first-time homeownership. I am equally grateful to our new friends here in Minneapolis, who have welcomed us with genuinely open arms (and a respectful six feet of social distance!), making this new place already feel remarkably like home. If this tumultuous year has taught me anything, it’s that we possess very little control over our futures. Instead, we are largely guided by our gut instincts and the courage to wholeheartedly follow them, regardless of the perceived obstacles, and embracing the adventure of moving to Minneapolis.
I am brimming with excitement to discover all that Minneapolis and this exhilarating next phase of life have in store for us. I’m ready to embrace “hot dishes” (a Minnesota culinary staple!) and the inevitable Minnesota accent that I’m sure I will develop over time. I absolutely cannot wait to experience my very first Minnesota State Fair, a legendary event, and eventually cultivate a strong dislike for the Green Bay Packers – though this particular goal seems somewhat unlikely, given my general lack of interest in football! I’ve already dusted off my trusty old parka and snow boots, and this Canadian is wholeheartedly preparing for her triumphant return to a proper winter, fully ready to immerse myself in the Minnesotan lifestyle.
I feel an undeniable sense of readiness for whatever adventures and challenges lie ahead, and I am genuinely happy to be along for this incredible ride. Bring it on, Minneapolis!
