In true Maven fashion, I couldn’t kick off my wedding series without sharing a bit of practical wisdom with all of you. For one, I genuinely love anything that involves making lists, and I confess to having a penchant for offering unsolicited advice. But in all seriousness, I’ve had countless conversations with brides over the past year who, not surprisingly, shared many of the same emotions and feelings of overwhelm that I experienced during my own wedding planning journey. Amidst the endless photos of blushing brides and picture-perfect love stories, a lot of the genuine experience often gets swept under the rug. I vowed that I would not be one of those people to gloss over the realities. It has always been important for me to speak my truth, even when it isn’t all shiny pennies and rainbow unicorns, especially when navigating one of life’s most significant milestones.
That being said, my ultimate goal is not to discourage you or make you feel bad for wanting or having a wedding. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. My sincere hope is that I can make you feel a little less alone, and perhaps more prepared, if you’re currently planning a wedding or intend to embark on this journey soon. This article is essentially a compilation of advice I wish I had received right when my partner and I got engaged and began to plan our own special day. Of course, hindsight is always 20/20, but I genuinely hope that my small offering of wisdom can prove helpful to you as you navigate the complexities of wedding planning.
As always, please remember that this advice is born from my own personal experience and perspective. If what I have to share doesn’t resonate with you, or if it doesn’t serve you in your unique situation, then simply let it go! There’s no point in clinging to a story or a piece of advice that doesn’t feel meaningful or applicable to your personal journey. So, with that understanding, here are some honest truths about what no one really tells you about planning a wedding:
1. It’s incredibly hard
Let’s be unequivocally clear: wedding planning is really, really hard. If you happen to be a professional party planner by trade or possess a natural knack for orchestrating large-scale events, you might find yourself disagreeing. However, I am neither of those things. While my team and I do plan events for THM, I always have a dedicated group of professionals assisting me, and I’m certainly not coordinating the intricate travel and logistics for over a hundred guests from across the globe. The sheer volume of details that need meticulous attention is astounding. Even if you’re someone who claims not to care about the minutiae, you will still be faced with an endless stream of decisions, from catering choices and floral arrangements to seating charts and song selections. For someone like me, whose mind is always active, it truly felt like the decision-making process never ceased, contributing to a constant mental load that can be quite draining.
2. Everything is significantly more expensive than you anticipate
I’ve honestly found myself wondering if people would have charged us so much had we simply referred to our event as a large dinner party instead of a “wedding.” Part of the heightened cost undoubtedly comes from getting married in a metropolitan area like San Francisco, where prices for everything are inherently higher. However, a significant portion is also due to what feels like an unofficial “wedding tax” levied across the entire industry. The major expenses, such as the venue, food, beverages, and music, are naturally substantial. Yet, it’s the countless smaller things – the invitations, postage, accessories, alterations, unforeseen vendor fees, and even tips – that accumulate rapidly and can quietly push your budget far beyond initial estimates. While we managed to stay relatively close to our original budget, I still can’t help but ponder what alternative experiences or investments we could have made with that considerable sum of money. It’s a stark reminder to budget generously and anticipate hidden costs.
3. It’s perfectly okay to do things your own way
I consider myself a fairly decisive person, and I’m generally not afraid to forge my own path, but I also understand that I might be an anomaly in this regard. So, if you’re seeking permission from someone to tell you it’s absolutely fine to wear a vibrant purple dress instead of white, or to walk down the aisle to the iconic Game of Thrones theme song, or even to forgo sending out traditional save-the-dates entirely, then allow me to be that person. There is no singular, prescribed “one way” to get married. Your wedding day should be an authentic reflection of your unique relationship and the love story you share, not an attempt to replicate anyone else’s expectations or traditions. For my own wedding, I chose not to have a bridal shower or a bachelorette party. I also opted out of a traditional wedding party. Our beloved dog proudly walked down the aisle, and we decided against hiring a videographer. These were all unconventional choices, but in the end, they felt profoundly “us,” and I have zero regrets about any of them. Embrace what feels right for you and your partner, regardless of external pressures.
4. People will have expectations for what a bride (or groom) “should” be
This is a crucial expectation to let go of immediately. I truly cannot count the number of times people enthusiastically said to me, “You must be SO excited!” Initially, I would simply offer a polite smile and affirm their assumption with a “yes.” However, as the planning intensified and the stress mounted, I eventually lost the patience and willpower to consistently put on a happy, gushing facade. Instead, I began to respond more truthfully with statements like, “It’s actually really challenging to plan everything right now, but I’m certain that when the day finally arrives, I’ll be incredibly happy I went through with it.” While this candidness often took people by surprise, as I wasn’t embodying the stereotypical overjoyed bride, it felt infinitely better and more authentic than pretending to be something I wasn’t. Give yourself permission to feel all your emotions, not just the joyful ones, throughout the process.
5. In many ways, the wedding is for everyone else
Many people shared this sentiment with me during the planning stages, but it didn’t truly “click” or resonate until after the wedding itself. During planning, this idea felt somewhat like a “woe is me” sentiment, and it seemed to contradict the notion that your wedding should be a reflection of you and your partner. I could not have been more wrong. While your wedding undoubtedly will be a beautiful reflection of your unique bond and style, its deeper purpose is to bring all your cherished friends and family together, offering them a wonderful reason to celebrate love and unity. So, while the nitty-gritty details and personal touches can absolutely be all about you and your preferences, the overarching idea of hosting a wedding is ultimately about sharing that joy with your loved ones. Now that it’s all done, I can honestly say that this perspective feels more like an honor and a privilege than a burden. In a world that can often feel harsh, chaotic, and scary, providing a genuine reason for collective celebration is a truly beautiful and profoundly meaningful act.
6. Not everyone will love your wedding
If your primary goal for your wedding day is to ensure that absolutely every single guest loves every single aspect of it, then I’m afraid you are in for a very rough and ultimately unachievable ride. The endeavor of curating an event that not only brings immense happiness to you and your partner but also manages to satisfy the diverse tastes and expectations of every single guest will, quite simply, NEVER happen. People have different preferences for food, music, decor, atmosphere, and even the length of events. Trying to cater to every single person’s individual desires is a recipe for stress and disappointment. So, embrace this truth early on: let that pursuit of universal approval go. Focus your energy on creating a day that genuinely brings joy to you and your partner, and trust that those who matter most will appreciate the effort and the celebration of your love, regardless of minor details.
7. Not everyone will remember or care about every detail of your wedding
I hate to be the bearer of potentially disheartening news, but it’s an essential truth to acknowledge: your wedding day is not, and cannot be, the absolute center of everyone else’s universe. While it may rightfully be the epicenter of yours (it certainly was for me), it’s crucial to remember that all your guests likely haven’t spent the last several months, or even years, meticulously planning every detail alongside you. They are usually thrilled and honored to attend and celebrate with you. However, unless something truly dramatic or extraordinary happens during the event, most guests probably won’t remember a great deal of the specific details you labored over. They’ll remember the overall feeling, the joy, and the connection. If anything, this realization should serve as a liberating reminder of my previous point – even if they don’t absolutely adore every aspect of your wedding, chances are, they probably won’t remember the minor imperfections anyway. This understanding can significantly alleviate pressure on those tiny, often stressful, details.
8. Everyone will have advice for you
And I mean absolutely everyone – from close family and friends to distant acquaintances and even strangers. Most of the advice I received, I genuinely appreciated, and a good portion of it proved to be incredibly helpful. However, some of it was decidedly not. Much like this very post, if a piece of advice resonates deeply with you and feels right for your situation, then hold onto it. If it doesn’t, let it go gracefully. For instance, people constantly told me to “not worry about the details on your wedding day,” and while I appreciated the sentiment, I knew deep down that the details were going to be the last thing on my mind that day (and for the record, they were!). Conversely, one of my friends gave me a simple but powerful piece of advice: “try not to separate from your husband during the reception.” This particular tip resonated with me profoundly, and I’m so incredibly happy that we look back on that night knowing we spent it truly together, connected. Advice can be a wonderful gift… until it isn’t. The key is to take it all in with a significant grain of salt, discerning what truly serves you and your partner.
9. It may not be right for you to have a traditional wedding
Yup, you read that correctly, and it’s a point worth emphasizing: It is absolutely OKAY to not have a traditional wedding. The full-scale, elaborate wedding experience is genuinely not for everyone, and it also might not be the right choice for you at this particular moment in your lives. There are countless beautiful and meaningful ways to get married – from intimate elopements and charming courthouse ceremonies to small destination weddings or even simply signing the papers and celebrating informally later. Or, for some, never getting married in the traditional sense is perfectly valid too! The most important thing is to avoid doing anything you feel you “should” do out of societal pressure or, worse, out of a fear of future regret. Allowing external expectations to dictate your choices will only make the entire experience infinitely harder, more stressful, and less authentic to you as a couple. Prioritize what feels genuine and joyful for both of you.
10. You will feel an immense sense of relief when it’s all done
I’m told this feeling is incredibly normal, but the profound sense of relief and peace I experienced when we finally left San Francisco for our honeymoon is a feeling I don’t think I could ever fully explain. We absolutely loved our wedding day, and we are truly grateful for every single person who attended and celebrated with us. However, I am also so, so happy and relieved that it’s done. Almost everyone I’ve spoken to who has gone through the extensive and often arduous wedding planning process wholeheartedly agrees with this sentiment. There’s an incredible magic in witnessing your vision come to life and celebrating your love with cherished ones. But there’s an equally amazing and liberating feeling when the planning, the logistics, and the anticipation are finally over, allowing you to simply bask in the glow of newlywed bliss and the success of the event. It’s truly amazing while it’s happening, and just as amazing when it’s done.
Now that the entire experience is behind me, I can say with absolute certainty that it was worth every single moment, every decision, and every challenge! Yes, it encompassed all of the points I’ve discussed above – the difficulties, the expenses, the expectations – but beyond that, it was also an incredibly enriching, growth-inducing, and deeply memorable experience. I look back on that weekend not necessarily as “THE best weekend of my life” (because life offers so many incredible moments), but certainly as one of the undeniable highlights of my life. It was an unparalleled feeling to have all our favorite people, those who mean the most to us, gathered together in one room, celebrating our union and sharing in our joy. It was also profoundly amazing to be able to give our friends and family a beautiful and compelling reason to celebrate love and connection in a world that often needs more of both.
There were undoubtedly many moments during the planning when I felt lost, overwhelmed, and struggled to see the light at the end of the tunnel. So, if you find yourself in that very place right now, please know with unwavering certainty that the end will come. Whatever beautiful, chaotic, or imperfectly perfect moments unfold, they will undoubtedly contribute to one hell of a memory that you will cherish for a lifetime. Through all the planning and the inevitable ups and downs, strive to focus on the enduring love that binds you, the precious people who surround you, and those wonderfully imperfectly perfect moments that you will never, ever forget.
Stay tuned for next week’s post, where I’ll begin recapping our wedding weekend with even more personal insights and details!
All photos courtesy of Sierra Ashleigh Photography