I find myself at a unique crossroads, grappling with the challenge of sharing truths that have resided within me for far too long. There’s an undeniable resistance, a whisper from the ego that yearns to preserve a facade of perpetual magic and effortless perfection. Yet, as many of us intimately know, such a life exists only in fairytales. Real life, in all its raw and beautiful complexity, is far more nuanced.
A friend’s recent text perfectly encapsulated this internal conflict: “The Healthy Maven seems like she’s doing great, but how are YOU?” This single message highlighted the delicate balance I’ve strived to maintain. The Healthy Maven has always been intended as a beacon of positivity and inspiration, a space dedicated to uplifting and empowering you. It’s not meant to be a canvas for my personal struggles, and while I’ve never claimed an unattainable perfection, my aim has never been to burden you with my own low points. However, this commitment to maintaining a positive brand persona inadvertently led to the construction of a protective wall. A wall that, quite frankly, I’m exhausted from upholding and no longer wish to maintain. It’s time to dismantle it and invite you into the fuller spectrum of my experience.
It’s crucial to clarify that the recent past hasn’t been unequivocally bleak. Life, in its essence, is never solely black or white. For months, my focus has primarily been on accentuating the positive, and while I firmly believe in the power of an optimistic outlook, I realize it’s a disservice to suggest that a normal, healthy life should resemble an endless stream of unicorns and rainbows. This sentiment rings especially true when discussing health and wellness, where seasons of immense joy and profound challenges are equally integral to our journeys. Every life contains its share of triumphs and obstacles, and embracing this duality is fundamental to authentic living.
My deepest hope is that this post serves as a bridge, not only tearing down the wall I’ve inadvertently erected between us but also inspiring you to embrace radical honesty with yourself and your own communities. There is profound strength and liberation in acknowledging our imperfections, for true connection blossoms in vulnerability.
The Great Relocation: A Journey of Unexpected Turns
Perhaps the most significant news, and certainly the one I’ve struggled most to keep under wraps, is that we’ve moved! While my closest friends and family have been privy to our unfolding adventures, I deliberately chose to keep this chapter off the blog for a period. Our departure from Toronto was multifaceted, driven by a blend of personal growth aspirations and a yearning for new horizons. We cherished our time in Toronto, building a vibrant life there, but a deep-seated desire for a different pace and environment began to take root. We spent a wonderful autumn soaking in precious moments with C’s family in Minnesota, a much-needed period of transition and reflection. C and I had fantasized about moving to California since the very beginning of our relationship five years ago. After packing up our entire lives and embracing the temporary solace of Minnesota, the thought crystallised: “Why not finally pursue this California dream?”
So, for all of you who’ve asked, whose questions I’ve subtly sidestepped, or who’ve simply wondered what on earth has been going on behind the scenes:
We have officially moved to San Francisco.
Even as I type these words, the reality feels somewhat surreal, a dream slowly solidifying into tangible existence. The full weight of this transition hasn’t completely settled, but the contours of our new life are beginning to emerge with clarity.
Navigating Unforeseen Hurdles in a New Land
The primary reason for my initial reticence in sharing this news was the sheer magnitude of challenges we encountered during the move. On a practical level, we, as Canadians who also happen to be US citizens but without established credit history in the States, faced unexpected roadblocks. Securing housing and even basic utilities became a complex puzzle. This, coupled with the unfortunate incident of our car being totaled during our road trip, threw our meticulously planned vision for life outside the city into disarray. We were forced to take the ideal life we had meticulously envisioned for ourselves in California and flip it entirely on its head, embracing a new, unforeseen path.
I was genuinely taken aback by the emotional intensity of the entire experience. This wasn’t my first move, by any means, but I believe my focus was so intensely fixed on the distant future – the “seven steps ahead” – that I inadvertently overlooked or failed to adequately prepare for the inevitable obstacles that accompany any significant relocation. Furthermore, I hadn’t allowed myself the emotional space to truly process what we were leaving behind in Toronto. We had cultivated a truly wonderful life there, rich with connections and comforts. It was only when the going became tough here in California that the full weight of what we had sacrificed became abundantly clear. While I now understand, with absolute certainty, that we made the right decision for our future, it was incredibly difficult not to dwell on the sense of loss. I deeply missed, and still miss, my family, my best friend, our close-knit community, and, of course, Rhett (our beloved pet!). However, I’m also realizing a profound truth: it’s possible to hold onto those cherished memories and connections while simultaneously building an equally wonderful and fulfilling life right here.
The Bittersweet Symphony of Leaving and Gaining
They say, “go where you’ll grow,” and I haven’t for a single second doubted that this entire experience has been one of the most transformative and growth-inducing periods of my life. The journey, though punctuated by countless tears and moments of profound frustration, has undoubtedly made me a stronger, more resilient individual. I am immensely happy to share that we’ve weathered what felt like the eye of the storm (or at least, I hope so!) and I now feel a renewed sense of optimism and excitement about our decision and the future ahead.
Get ready for an upcoming apartment tour and a plethora of new adventures in the vibrant Bay Area! And to anyone living in the Bay Area, if you’re open to connecting, I would absolutely love that – I’m unashamedly on the lookout for new friends! Your insights and companionship would be invaluable as we settle in.
The Roadside Encounter: Confronting Vulnerability on the Open Road
As many of you are likely aware by now, during our epic road trip heading out to San Francisco, we tragically hit a deer, resulting in our car being completely totaled. I apologize if rehashing this event feels repetitive, but the honest truth is, I haven’t fully recovered from it. In the immediate aftermath, the full gravity of what had happened hadn’t truly sunk in. My primary focus was on the logistics – getting back on the road and completing our journey – rather than acknowledging and processing the profound emotional impact of the incident.
The Lingering Echoes of a Near Miss
As I reflect on the experience now and revisit images of our mangled car, I am overwhelmed by a sense of profound gratitude for our incredible fortune. We emerged completely unscathed, a fact that still astounds me. Had C swerved even slightly differently, or had the deer been in an alternate position, the outcome could have been drastically different, potentially catastrophic. While there’s little value in dwelling on the “what if” scenarios beyond using them as a powerful motivator to deeply appreciate and cherish the preciousness of life, the mere thought continues to send shivers down my spine. That moment, frozen in time, serves as a stark reminder of life’s fragility and the unpredictable nature of our journey.
One unfortunate, yet very real, side effect of this traumatic event is a heightened sense of anxiety in certain situations. I now find myself experiencing a subtle panic when confronted with loud, sudden noises – I was particularly agitated by the constant fireworks during our recent trip to Guatemala. Moreover, driving, which was already a source of significant fear for me, has regrettably evolved into something akin to a nightmare. I understand that healing, both physical and emotional, is a process that requires time and patience, and I am committed to working through these anxieties. I felt it was important for you to be aware of where I stand in this ongoing journey.
The Redesign Dilemma: A Misfired Vision and a Lesson in Trust
Since we’ve wholeheartedly embraced this path of honesty and transparency, I feel compelled to admit something that has weighed heavily on me: I genuinely and strongly dislike the current layout and design of The Healthy Maven blog. This dissatisfaction runs so deep that I’ve practically ceased looking at the blog or even previewing new posts, which saddens me immensely. The design, to my eye, simply no longer reflects the essence, evolution, and vibrant community that the blog has become. Approximately six months ago, I embarked on an ambitious redesign process, confidently hiring what I believed to be “the dream team” for the job. While I hold no one accountable but myself for the eventual outcome, the entire situation unfortunately veered in a direction that, despite an initial gut feeling of uneasiness, I allowed to proceed. The culmination was a website that neither fills me with pride nor, in my opinion, represents an improvement over the existing design in terms of reflecting the true spirit of THM.
The Frustration of Unfulfilled Expectations
Witnessing a significant amount of resources – primarily financial investment and precious time – essentially go to waste on this process was incredibly disheartening, frustrating, and frankly, quite sad. I am trying (and the emphasis truly is on trying!) to move past this disappointment. Unfortunately, this means that the truly dream site I’ve long envisioned will have to take a back seat for a while as I regroup and re-evaluate. However, I remain hopeful that it will eventually become a tangible reality in the future when the timing and resources align more favorably.
Prioritizing Substance Over Superficiality
In the interim, I like to think of The Healthy Maven as a metaphorical hole-in-the-wall restaurant: its exterior might not immediately convey the exceptional quality of the food and experience found within. Ultimately, my overarching goal is to continue producing meaningful, high-quality content that genuinely helps and inspires you. The superficial “frills” of an updated design, while desired, can patiently wait until the circumstances are right. My commitment remains firmly rooted in delivering substance and value above all else.
Finding Strength in Shared Humanity: A Concluding Reflection
Of all the more than 700 posts I’ve penned for this blog, this one undoubtedly stands out as the most cathartic. I have always found writing to be one of the most potent forms of therapy, and that healing power is magnified exponentially when one’s deepest truths are shared with a community of incredible readers who have offered unwavering support through every season. The act of expressing these vulnerabilities has been a profound release, solidifying the connection I feel with each of you.
There are so many exciting developments on the horizon, things I am unbelievably thrilled about (the next season of the podcast, for example – woot!). Yet, I also anticipate new challenges, for that is the intrinsic nature of life. My steadfast commitment is to confront these challenges head-on, to lean into them rather than retreating, and crucially, to never hide them from you. In countless ways, you, my readers, are my community, my extended family, and a core tenet of our shared human experience is that no one should ever have to weather a storm in solitude. We are stronger, more resilient, and more capable when we face life’s complexities together.
Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your unwavering support, your gentle understanding, and for joining me on this intricate journey as I openly share each evolving season of my life – embracing both the joyous triumphs and the difficult trials.
With abundant love and gratitude,
-D
photo by Bettina Bogar