Embarking on a significant life change, such as a cross-country move, is an experience that demands reflection and time to truly digest. For a while, I’ve wanted to share the intricacies of our journey, but the emotional and logistical whirlwind required a period of introspection before I could articulate my thoughts cohesively. When I initially touched upon the rawness of our experience in this candid post, I was still very much in the thick of processing everything. The idea of offering advice or educating others felt premature then. However, as my dear friend Natasha Adamo wisely shared in Episode 6 of the podcast, “you don’t need to be cured to help others.” This sentiment deeply resonated with me, inspiring me to finally open up about our cross-continent odyssey.
While the immediate chaos of our long-distance move has largely subsided, I recognize that the ultimate step in truly making peace with such a monumental life event is to share the story. This post delves deep into the often-unseen moments and the profound lessons gleaned from our relocation. For those unfamiliar with our timeline, we bid farewell to Toronto in September 2016 and finally settled into our new San Francisco apartment in January 2017. As you can imagine, a vast spectrum of events unfolded during those intervening months, a period I meticulously documented through the lens of my iPhone, which now serves as a vivid reminder of every step.
The video above offers a concise summary of the top lessons we learned from our extensive cross-country move. Below, I will meticulously recap the entire journey, sharing intimate details and previously untold moments that I needed personal space to comprehend and integrate. I still carry a degree of guilt for not sharing these experiences sooner, but I sincerely hope you can appreciate the necessity of processing such a significant transition privately before bringing it into the public sphere. More than anything, my deepest wish is that you can extract valuable insights from our adventure, helping you feel as prepared as possible should you ever embark on a similar life-altering relocation.
Our cross-country relocation was effectively divided into two distinct phases. For reasons that will become clearer as we delve into the narrative, our departure from Toronto in September led us to an interim stay in Minnesota for approximately seven weeks throughout the autumn.
LEAVING TORONTO: The Emotional & Physical Toll of Packing Up a Life
Packing up our entire life in Toronto stands out as one of the most challenging feats I have ever undertaken. The emotional weight of saying goodbye to our first home, the place where countless memories were forged, truly sank in months after we left. This was the sanctuary where C and I started our life together, where we welcomed friends and family, nurtured our beloved Rhett, and eventually brought Bodhi home. Seeing it stripped bare, devoid of our presence, was profoundly painful. Yet, I hold onto the belief that with time, I will look back and recall only the positive, cherished moments that filled those rooms.
Beyond the emotional landscape, the physical demands of moving were immediate and relentless. We made numerous rookie mistakes that amplified the stress and labor. If you’re planning a move, I highly recommend watching the video above for crucial “what NOT to do” advice. Let’s just say there were abundant tears, moments of sheer frustration, and unforgettable incidents like this one:
Indeed, that is a box spring stubbornly wedged into an elevator shaft. It took a grueling twenty minutes of pushing, pulling, and strategic maneuvering to liberate it – an experience that was anything but enjoyable. This particular episode serves as a vivid metaphor for the unexpected logistical nightmares that can arise during a long-distance move. We underestimated the volume of our belongings and the complexities of disassembling certain items, leading to significant delays and added stress.
Following an utterly exhausting packing day, I sought solace at my parents’ home, while C courageously returned to our now-empty apartment to meticulously patch holes, clean, and ensure everything was pristine for its next inhabitants. The finality of that departure was palpable, marking the end of a significant chapter. From Toronto, our journey continued, leading us by way of Chicago to Minnesota, where we anticipated spending the next several weeks with C’s welcoming family, a much-needed respite before the next leg of our relocation adventure.
ARRIVING IN MINNESOTA: A Season of Unexpected Comfort and Contemplation
The road trip from Toronto to Minnesota, via the vibrant city of Chicago, was surprisingly smooth, largely thanks to our remarkable little man, Bodhi. He proved to be a total champion in the car, adapting to the long hours on the road with incredible composure. Looking back at photos, it’s hard to believe how small he was then, a tiny adventurer embracing the open road.
Settling into life in Minnesota with C’s family felt like stepping into a dream after the intense drama and upheaval of the Toronto move. The collective support of his family was an invaluable balm, providing a much-needed sense of stability and warmth. The beautiful Fall weather only added to the idyllic setting, inviting us to explore the charming local parks in their neighborhood and discover cozy coffee shops. This period of unexpected comfort began to stir a profound internal debate: was it truly worth leaving this peaceful haven, or should we simply stay put? Minnesota captured a piece of my heart, and I often look forward to the prospect of visiting again soon, cherishing the tranquil memories we created there.
When our belongings finally arrived in Minnesota, they were, as expected, piled high and somewhat disheveled. While most items remarkably survived the transit, this experience further underscored the “BIG mistakes” we had made in our initial packing and shipping process. For a detailed breakdown of these errors and how to avoid them in your own long-distance move, I encourage you to revisit the video at the beginning of this post. It offers practical insights that could save you a great deal of trouble and stress.
P.S. To my wonderful Minnesotan readers, I’m genuinely curious: would you be interested in a curated round-up of my favorite places in your beautiful state? Over the past five years, I’ve had the privilege of visiting Minnesota quite a few times and extensively explored during our stay. I would absolutely love to share my top recommendations for parks, coffee shops, and local gems if there’s an interest!
As mid-November approached, it was time to leave our temporary Minnesota sanctuary and embark on the next grand leg of our adventure: the epic road trip out West. This journey was an intentional decision to infuse some exploration and joy into our otherwise stressful relocation. We meticulously chronicled the entire route, and you can catch up on those exciting dispatches here, offering a glimpse into the diverse landscapes and unique experiences we encountered along the way:
- Badlands National Park: A Stark Beauty
- Road Trip Through Colorado: Mountain Majesty
- Moab, Utah + Arches National Park: Desert Wonders
- Capitol Reef National Park + Boulder, Utah: Hidden Gems of the West
- California Road Trip Finale: The Golden State Beckons
LANDING IN SAN FRANCISCO: Navigating the Toughest Challenges of Relocation
Our arrival in California was met with a complex tapestry of emotions. While a sense of relief washed over us, acknowledging that we had finally reached our destination, this was interwoven with lingering anxieties. I was still grappling with the physical and emotional effects of a recent incident and found myself questioning the decision to leave the comforting embrace of Minnesota. A kaleidoscope of feelings churned within me: scared, sad, overwhelmed, yet simultaneously excited and deeply relieved. The journey had been arduous, but in many ways, the greatest challenges still lay ahead, and I was, to be brutally honest, utterly unprepared for them emotionally.
Despite the underlying turmoil, our very first week in San Francisco held a special charm. It coincided with Thanksgiving, and we were incredibly fortunate to spend a memorable night at the West Point Inn on Mt. Tam. This experience, surrounded by natural beauty and a warm welcome, provided a beautiful, if temporary, introduction to the Bay Area, for which I am eternally grateful.
We were incredibly fortunate once again that C’s family extended their hospitality to us in San Francisco as well. Their home became our temporary base, and it was from there that almost all of our December blog posts were written. This period was a relentless sprint. Between managing a busy month of blog content and holiday preparations, we were simultaneously plunged into the daunting task of sorting out our new car situation. Navigating vehicle registration, insurance, and the purchase or lease process in a new state presented unexpected complexities. Even more challenging was the realization that neither of us had established a credit history in the U.S., which added significant hurdles to securing housing and other essential services. Amidst all this, the arduous apartment hunting process began in one of the most competitive and expensive housing markets in the country.
I’ll be completely candid: during this intense phase, my personal health took a backseat. The sheer volume of logistics and stress meant that wellness was simply not a priority. Aside from occasional hikes with Bodhi and C, I didn’t engage in any structured workouts for almost six weeks. My diet suffered significantly, largely consisting of snack bars and dried fruit. The mental bandwidth required for cooking or even planning meals was non-existent. Many meals became “car eating” expeditions as we drove our rental from one apartment viewing to the next, fueled by convenience foods and sheer determination.
As I touched upon in this earlier post, this particular period was profoundly tough for me. We faced a relentless barrage of challenges inherent to any cross-country move, amplified by the unique pressures of navigating San Francisco’s notoriously cutthroat housing market. Compounding these external stressors was the internal process of mourning what we had left behind – not just the physical spaces in Toronto and Minnesota, but the familiar routines, established friendships, and the comfortable sense of belonging. My biggest regret from this time is not being more transparent with you, my readers, about the depth of our struggles. However, I also recognize that I genuinely needed that time to process everything internally. While The Healthy Maven is a reflection of my life, I also strive for it not to be a consistently negative space for all of you. I did my absolute best under immense pressure, and fortunately, as December drew to a close, things slowly but surely began to turn around.
Towards the end of December, a significant breakthrough occurred: we signed the lease for our new apartment! This marked a turning point, allowing things to gradually calm down. To celebrate and de-stress before the impending move-in, we embarked on a much-anticipated family trip to Guatemala. This getaway proved to be an invaluable opportunity to recharge, reconnect, and mentally prepare for the next exciting, albeit demanding, phase of settling into our new San Francisco home.
MOVING INTO OUR SAN FRANCISCO APARTMENT: Building a Home, Piece by Piece
The transition into our San Francisco apartment was swift and somewhat surreal. We landed back from our rejuvenating trip to Guatemala and, just about six hours later, found ourselves ready to move into our new space. The very first thing I yearned to do was cook a wholesome meal, a simple act that symbolizes comfort and home for me. Yet, the stark reality hit: we had no kitchenware, no furniture, nothing! Thankfully, C’s sister, with her incredible foresight, had provided us with a “survival guide” – essentially a carefully curated box of essentials. This thoughtful gesture became our lifeline, and we lived off its contents for the first couple of weeks, making do with paper plates and minimal tools, learning to appreciate the very basics.
Having learned valuable, albeit tough, lessons from the experience of shipping our belongings to Minnesota, we opted for a different, and thankfully, slightly less grueling method for bringing our possessions to San Francisco. This new approach, however, meant that it would take approximately a month for our main household items to finally arrive. For the initial weeks, C and I essentially operated our entire lives and work from a single, glorious piece of furniture: our new couch. It wasn’t just a place to sit; it was our office, our dining area, and our main relaxation spot. This couch was our deliberate splurge item, a comfortable anchor in an otherwise empty apartment, patiently awaiting the rest of our home to take shape around it.
The arrival of our mattress was another monumental moment – a truly glorious event after weeks of makeshift sleeping arrangements. I remember the sheer delight and relief: for the first half-hour after it was delivered, I simply lay there, soaking in the comfort and the feeling of finally having a proper bed. It was a small but incredibly significant step towards making our apartment feel like a permanent home, a tangible marker of progress in our long and winding relocation journey.
It’s now been roughly a month since those early, sparse days, and the final pieces of our life puzzle arrived while I was away on a trip to Israel. The joy of having all my kitchen gear, books, and personal effects finally in our apartment is indescribable. It has truly allowed us to begin the process of nesting and transforming this space into a home that authentically reflects us. We still have a considerable journey ahead in terms of fully settling in, decorating, and organizing, but we are deliberately taking our time. Our goal is to create a living environment that genuinely excites and inspires us every day. Stay tuned for an upcoming apartment tour, where I’ll be thrilled to share our progress and the unique touches we’ve added!
The Transformative Power of a Cross-Country Move: Embrace the Adventure
Looking back, these past six months have been nothing short of a whirlwind. There were moments when I reached my absolute lowest lows, grappling with unexpected obstacles, emotional exhaustion, and the profound discomfort of living in a state of constant flux. Yet, through it all, I am profoundly grateful for every single challenge and every small victory. When C and I decided to leave Toronto, we were actively seeking an adventure, a catalyst for change and growth. While I certainly didn’t anticipate the adventure to be entirely positive or smooth sailing, I’ve come to realize that sometimes, it’s precisely these hardships that truly test our resilience, reveal our inner strength, and propel us towards significant personal growth.
The feeling of stagnation that had subtly crept into my life before the move has undeniably vanished. This cross-country relocation, with all its trials and tribulations, served as a powerful reset button, shaking me out of complacency and forcing me to adapt, learn, and evolve. I am now more excited than ever to continue growing, both personally and professionally, within the vibrant energy of our new home in San Francisco.
I sincerely hope you can forgive me for the periods of silence and for keeping you somewhat in the dark throughout this intense process. I truly enjoyed catching up with you today and sharing the raw, honest truth of our experience. For anyone currently deliberating whether or not to make a big move – whether it’s across the country, to a new city, or even just a significant change in your living situation – I offer this unwavering advice: DO IT. Don’t harbor illusions that it will be an easy path; monumental life changes rarely are. But I firmly believe that nothing truly worthwhile in life ever comes without effort or discomfort. Life, at its core, is about continuous forward motion, about pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone, and discovering what lies beyond. There is no better, more exhilarating way to achieve this than to bravely flip your world upside-down and embrace the magnificent, messy adventure that awaits. Plan diligently, prepare as much as you can, but most importantly, be ready to grow in ways you never imagined.